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I am trying to lose the ten pounds that I have gained since this summer. These ten pounds are the result of several changes to my life, which are all for the better, but have ended up with me eating more and walking less.

I am doing this by using an online calorie counter. The last time I did this, as some of my friends will remember, I got a little… obsessed. Which was good for me because I lost the weight. And then some. But I also got a little obnoxious. I am addictive and neurotic, and this feeds into all of my tendencies. Except this time it’s worse, because there’s an iPhone app that goes along with my calorie tracker, so I can upload my food intake and my activities anywhere I go. For example, I can enter “walking” while I’m walking to the store.

Which is how I learned this morning that the Livestrong app does not have an activity registry for “pooping”.

Because my job exists almost entirely on the Internet, except when I am in meetings (in which we are discussing the Internet), it’s always exciting when I find myself in uncharted territory. It’s thrilling to be where I’m not supposed to be. I’m not talking about hacking into government websites. I’m talking about sites like this one (please click the link so you understand what I’m talking about), which I explored the entire time that I was eating my sandwich at my desk.

I do not know why I find this site so fascinating. But I have some theories:

1. The copy is awesome. TELL ME that you don’t enjoy reading the following:

SEP GLOBAL RESOURCES LTD.
119 AWOLOWO WAY IKEJA,
LAGOS NIGERIA.
WEST-AFRICA.

Dear Sir/Madam

We are delighted to write to your company as your name and address has been recommended
to us, as an authorized Supplier manufactures /exporters of various items from your country.

Hereafter, we are SEP GLOBAL RESOURCES LTD, established since 1974. here in LAGOS NIGERIA.
We are Agent/consultants, wholesale distributors, manufacturer’s representative on
import and export.

Presently we are actively engaged in sourcing for canned foods,Beverages,Cosmetics,
Body health care,Dresses(Suites,Shoes,Belts and Bags).For an urgent contract supply to our
End-Buyer- Economic Community of West-Africa States(ECOWAS) in LOME TOGO. and we have been
in this line of business for many successful years satisfying our numerous customers and
government with all their needs.

On the recent development, from our company’s Goodwill, We have been afforded with the
opportunity to contact your esteem company for an urgent contract supply to the
Economic Community of West-African States(ECOWAS) at WAHSOR Board in LOME TOGO.

Please if you can supply us with any of these products from your company, do not hesitate
to inform us through our email, so that we can stop further negotiations with other
foreign companies for an urgent supply.

Looking forward hearing from you.

Thanks,
Smith Wilson (Agent).

Come on! That is awesome! You cannot possibly say you are a fan of Wes Anderson and not like this website.

Yeah. That looks really safe.

2. The products are amazing. You can purchase 10,000 sets of mini nipple covers,up to 100,000 bone plates for skull repairs per month, or a full range of sexual enhancement products from this company, which recommends the following in case of emergency: Take cool boiled water if users are in trouble of frequent erection or long-time erection during sexual intercourse after use. That sounds extremely safe and practical. Also available are large quantities of L-theanine, telephone bugging devices, and a cryogenic liquid transporting semi-trailer.

3. Check out their popular keywords:

Oh. Excuse me. I meant Popular Keyword.
In case you can’t read that, it says hack saw, paper cup, security lighting, sport sunglasses, square tablecloth

4. There is a lot to learn about the business transactions of others. For instance, did you know that Ms. Sweety Thakur in Kathmandu is looking to purchase an entire container (over 20 tons) of MSG?

So, I challenge you, post the link for the absolute strangest thing you can find on the Asian Products website. Go to it!

I took over Nate’s Plate yesterday. Hopefully he’ll return the favor.

Cheater and The Blade

Mad Chris and Karl in the Morning

Karen and The Pig

The Drive with Kim and Sully

The Jim Wendt Show (public radio only)

Drive Time with Timm Timson