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Today after I picked Elliot up from school, he asked me: “Have you ever heard the story of King Midas?”

“Yeah, I have,” I said. “Did you hear it at school?”

“It’s in the reading corner.”

“Did you like the story?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” he said.

“Did you get what the moral of the story was?”

He thought for a minute. “I don’t know.”

“Well, what’s the lesson that King Midas learned?”

“Oh! Yeah! Never listen to spirits when they ask you if you want to make a wish.”

“That’s a good one,” I said. “But what else?”

“Umm, don’t wish that you can turn things into gold!”

“That’s good, you’re getting there,” I said. “Why don’t you want to wish you could turn things into gold?”

“Oh! Yeah! That’s the lesson! Don’t hold your daughter’s hand when you’ve wished you could turn everything you touch into gold and it came true! Because then you’ll turn your daughter into gold!”

“What about don’t be greedy?” I asked.

“Huh,” he paused. “No, I don’t necessarily see that.”

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This morning Elliot told me that he’d like to start taking karate again. I told him I thought that would be fine, but also that I think that we should get him into a team sport that he can play in school. Here is what he said:

“Maybe. But the thing is, my strengths are really more things like robots, technology, the body, math, albegra… alge… algebra. That kind of thing. I’m just not really interested in standing around in a field playing basketball. I’m not that kind of guy. I have better things to do with my strengths.”

The argument is pretty air-tight. Except for that basketball being played in a field part. We’ll have to set that one straight before some 5’11” second-grader does.

Me: Hey! Nice work, senor!

Elliot: Hmm… Spanish. Let’s try to talk in English, just for this morning, okay?

——–

Me: We’re going to go to the seed store.

Elliot: Downtown Home and Garden? That’s the opposite of my jam.

Elliot has been obsessed lately with having a little brother. Two little brothers, actually. DO NOT TAKE THIS TO MEAN ANYTHING. I am not pregnant, nor do I have any plan to be pregnant in the foreseeable future.
I think it’s more because all of his friends now have brothers and sisters (the last of his only-child friends has a sibling due pretty soon). That, and I’m not that into playing chess, and he wants someone to play chess with.

Tonight he was asking me why I couldn’t make him a brother (or two) now.

“I’m not married,” I told him.

“Then get married.”

“I’m sure I will someday, but not now.”

“Oh yeah, and there’s another reason, too,” he told me.

“What’s that?”

“We don’t have enough money for a baby.”

“Well, I’m not married.”

“Yeah, and we don’t have any diapers here. We would need some diapers. And we don’t have any.”

Here are some of the things that he has told me to encourage me to make his brothers:

“When I watch Attack of the Clones, I will not let those babies watch Attack of the Clones, because it’s too violent. I might be seven when those babies are born, so I’ll be able to watch it, but you know what? It’s violent. It’s way too violent for an instant.”
(It took me a while to realize that instant means “infant”)

“My brothers are really important to me. When they grow up, I want my brothers to grow up to be a nice man. Like, when I grow up to be a nice man. I want them to be the same thing. I want them to be a nice man.”

“I can share my Halloween candy with them. Because there’s enough for two kids in that bowl. Or three kids. Three kids could eat that candy.”

“I know something else. The baby brothers need a name. It can be pretty similar to my name, because I would be like a giant thing compared to the little baby. The baby would be a little instant compared to me. I’m even taller than this couch. And that baby is, like, not even as tall as my legs.”